Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Dream big and reflection

So I have recently realized I am at a precipice for my life coming up very soon. Many major life events are happening within the coming new year. I am turning 25, graduating with my masters, and pursuing my dreams.

Turning 25 is not something that I am afraid of but it is just an age where people want to put so much pressure on you about your life and to me it feels like the perfect time to uproot myself and go chase after my dreams because why not. Many people ask me all the time what I am doing or if I am going to settle down soon and my answer is always that it is not the right time for me. Mister right may or may not reveal himself any time soon but I don't want to plan my life around someone else and that's why I believe I haven't met "the one" yet. God knows that I have so many big dreams that would just not work if I had someone else attached to me to have to worry about and I am fine with that and have come to terms with it. I have never felt like I needed someone to hold my hand as I move through my life and I realized that more and more through this past year.

I will be graduating with my master's degree in May of 2015 and I couldn't feel more bitter sweet about it. I am happy that all of my hard work over the past year and a half will be over and result in a great degree but I am sad because it will mean I am done with my higher educational pursuits. I have really enjoyed getting my master's degree which is something that many people don't really say. Choosing to get my master's in communication was the best decision I could have made for my life. I have learned so much more about the art of communication and added so much to my repertoire of things learned but I have also discovered so much more about myself. I have figured out what I want to do with my life and I have figured out how to be confident in my life too. I have met many great people and created bonds with people outside of my normal social circle and have been exposed to many things that I was sheltered from even when getting my bachelors degree. I went to a small private school for high school and so I was very sheltered and so through getting my masters I feel like I finally grew up and learned who I am as an adult and also how to be an adult you could say.

Many people struggle with the fear of doing something big by themselves and they let that fear hold them back from doing what they have always wanted to do. I refuse to let that stop me from trying to do exactly what I have always wanted to do.

I feel like I have learned three very important things from much reflection and thought about these major life events which are swiftly approaching.

1. Be yourself
For as long as I could remember I was always trying to be like the 'cool' kids or trying to be something I wasn't for the sake of fitting in and feeling like someone who was accepted. I was very shy and very much a push over. I would do whatever anyone wanted me to do and would do anything to make sure that everyone else came before myself. I have learned through this past year that being myself not only makes me happier but it also doesn't scare people away. *surprise surprise*
When my dad passed away in July of 2013 something just switched in me. I had to learn a lot about who I was and what I wanted in life because having such a huge loss in your life really makes you think about everything and cherish your life so much more. I wish more than anything that I could bring my dad back but losing him has pushed me into this mind frame of refusing to be anything other than myself. I have a crazy sense of humor, I'm loud, I love to sing about everything, and if you can't handle my silly side then I am okay with that now. I have also never worked harder in my life. I was forced to grow up and learn how to fend for myself and that made me grow a thicker skin and learn to not care what people may think or say about me anymore. Learning to understand and accept who you are is a huge step and I am so glad that I can finally say I have done that.

2. Love yourself
For most of my life I really loathed myself. That gets you no where. Before I decided to change my health habits by eating clean and exercising I would use food as a comfort to help me feel like I was happy when I never was. I was always the goofy fat friend that every loved but who didn't love herself. It is not something you can just switch off so I still struggle with it today but it is definitely something that isn't healthy and you will never be happy with anything or anyone if you can't love yourself. Through major weight loss I have seen how strong I am and I have seen how much discipline I can have and how much care I can have for myself. I have become a happier person through this process over the last year and I am happier now than I ever have been. I believe that the body change truly has helped my mind change as well. I have learned to love myself even with my flaws. I have learned to accept the fact that I have a bad temper and I am easily hurt by the smallest things. But accepting that and learning to keep moving even when there are bumps in the road is something that has allowed me to learn to love who I am more and more. Some days are down days and I realize that you can't be happy happy joy joy all the time but learning to push past that is part of learning to always love yourself.

4. Trust your journey
The biggest thing I have learned is to not compare yourself to anyone else. Everyone is unique and everyone's life stories are unique and comparing yourself to anyone else won't help move you forward or make you feel any better. Learning to trust my journey of life has made a world of difference for my life path. Realizing that not everyone wants the same things you do and not everyone thinks the same way you do is a big step is learning to trust your own personal journey. Learning to not envy others for what they have or hate someone for being what you want is a big step in maturity. I have seen this the most with myself in my weight loss journey. I have lost 80 pounds in a year and I was beating myself up about it because so many people I follow on Instagram who have also lost weight lost 100 pounds or more in a year and I kept trying to compare myself to them and would say things like if they could do it why can't I because I have worked so hard. Instead of having that mentality I should have been thankful and proud of the fact that I accomplished so much in a year towards moving to being healthy. I have had a major mind switch the past few weeks in regards to every part of my life journey and I have realized that I am never going to be where I want to be if I stay negative about myself by comparing me to everyone else.

I have learned a lot and continue to learn about myself as life progresses which I think is something that everyone discovers. I hope that you can discover these things sooner rather than later so you can start truly enjoying everything you have in your life especially yourself!

What is something you have learned about yourself in this past year? What is something you want to change?

xoxo Jess

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